Where's the promise of joy and happiness? Everyone else seems to be happy but why does my situation feel so different? And worst of all, why does it always happen to me? Are my expectations too high?

All I want is time and effort. Match your actions to your words because I'm not feeling it. I don't want to be your doormat, your spare tyre. I don't want to be number two.

Most of all, I don't want to be the only person putting in the effort.

after taking such a long hiatus, i am back in this little space to rave and rant.
what can i say, life still sucks massive big balls.

why cant things just be easy? why cant life be smooth going?
why are we always made to suffer?

the things i can never explain and answer.


i thought that i would be happy with you. but instead, you cause me much more pain and anguish. having you around is like not having anyone around at all. the amount of effort that i put into making you happy all accumulates into total nothingness. if i am not there, i wouldnt know where you are at all. tell me then, why am i such a fool to make such effort for you?

life is about making choices and i keep making the wrong ones.

Fuck My Life.
Thank you very much.

should i be disappointed in them? or did i expect too much from them?
is it wrong to ask for someone to just listen and advice?

i've always thought you would be the one who would understand and be able to give me the best advice. i guess i was really wrong and in fact our friendship was just more treasured by me than by you.

i have many friends. but when i really need one they are not there. those who are there, they just want to know about the gossip and drama in my life. dont give me the bullshit that you are trying to share my problems because i know you are not doing so. i don't need your sacarsm in my life. i don't need your pretence of a friendship. dont tell me you can hang out often now just because you are very free. so does that mean that when you are busy you wont make the time to hang out?

i am tired. i am living at the lowest point now. i really wish i wasnt back here because i am so lost here. i have nothing here and i am nothing here.

i dont need your pity. i dont need your concern. in fact, i would really appreciate it if you not ask me how things are or what my future plans are. because that just makes me even more frustrated than i already am.

so please. stop asking the questions. just please leave me alone. if i need you i will call you, i appreciate your concern but please, leave me alone. i cant handle the questions anymore.

my life as a hermit starts now. my independence from all of you.

i really really really need to run.
i am losing my mind.

why must things turn out this way?
i miss my team so much.

sigh. no one will understand.

everything and everyone just feels strange.
or is it just me?

i need to run and do something to feel alive but yet i cant.
i NEED to run before my head explodes.
Fuck.


mun koti ei oo taalla. otherwise why am i so lost?

i am so lost i just wanna jump off the building.

fuck this shit. i wish i could run jump and fly.

Congratulations to all my favourite girls for getting me ridiculously drunk..
I have now a phobia of shots. Mustikkashotti, salmarishotti, minttushotti, rhuminshotti and the ultimate tequila shot. I really can't remember how many I drank or what I drank anymore..

But thank you girls.. It was the best night ever.. :)



I super love all of you..

Voi voi voi.. nyt tulee ikävä... :'(

It's amazing how little things can just make the day seem brighter and happier.
Smiles, laughter and just pure insanity.. If only everyday could be like this, my life would be perfect..

Twas a great metro ride, supermarketing shopping, drooling at all the candy/coke/pepsi/everyotheryummygoodies that we have not eaten since the start of Herkuton.. Was indeed a lovely time..

I will ALWAYS remember:
Li-ke (leekay)
I tuunes
Drivee

Thank you Ruhis, it was the best 1,5hrs after so long. :)

I know you are trying to comfort me but there is something you don't understand.
It's not "just a game". To you it may be, but to me it's everything.


It is not just a game, it is my life. And without it, I am nothing.



I'm sorry Antza.

借了记得要换，不要假假忘记。
已经不是第一次了。